Growing up with a narcissistic mother who gaslighted and belittled me forced me to find options to escape. My mother was the definition of a narcissist, she had dangerous emotions of being envious, manipulative, lack of empathy, exploits without shame or guilt and living in a fantasy world. I attempted escaping through getting a job, this didn’t work because I found out that I had epilepsy which was uncontrolled and I eventually had to change jobs because of the seizures and restrictions. When I changed jobs I saved up everything I could apart from the bus fare and concentrated on the future and escaping soon. Life started to get worse and the trapped feeling grew stronger with the arguments, manipulation and the pressure I felt to look after my siblings since my mother wasn’t. I stopped eating properly and only at 2 tins of beans or soup a day, I was suffering deep depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts, one night I swallowed a box of paracetamol and went to sleep hoping that I wouldn’t wake up. I knew that I couldn’t be under the same roof as my mother anymore but couldn’t find any other solution to escaping.
well… that didn’t work and I was still trapped in the house with my cold hearted mother who was uncapable of loving anyone especially me. She admitted to me that she never wanted children and that I was a mistake, I had one phone call with my dad when I was 18 and he confirmed the same, I was left with a massive hole in my heart, feeling unloved by everyone and drowning in my own depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety. My mother had been having different men in the house and changing her personality to give an impression of being a lovely mother, she would clean the house and cook family meals, she would then leave us at home while she went to the men’s house and that is why I grew a strong relationship with my siblings as I then became their mother. At the time I decided to carry on living for my siblings as I knew they needed someone to care for them and fight their battle against my narcissistic mother, my life was miserable.
One day months later on the way home from work, I had an encounter with someone who I hadn’t seen for 3 years, it was a happy encounter and we met up again and again which turned into romance and emotional support. My lovely friend is a tribute to them, they were and still are my knight in shining armor. My mother grew envious and asked to speak to him alone, my mother made out that I’m terrible and she cried asking for a cuddle by stepping closer to my lovely friend who kept taking step backs and didn’t take any of her word. My mother tried to ruin my life at any moment she got, she undermined me and told me lies which shook my confidence causing more depressing thoughts and she opens my mail which she also occasionally hide and I later found out. My lovely friend never left my side and is still by my side now.
Life without the Narcissistic Mother
It is now 7 years later and my mother is completely out of my life, I haven’t told her where I live and she has only seen my son when he was born, she gave a very cold hearted “that’s nice” to meeting him in the neonatal ICU when he was a day old. She has never seen my daughter and my life is extremely good and positive. My lovely friend is my partner against the world and we support each other and our family grow, we have been through many challenges and we provide emotional support to one another. I do struggle still with depression and I feel that I am more prone to suffering from my past however I try to not let that get in the way of achieve my goals. I do not miss my mother and I do not wish for her to have anything to do with my life, I am free and happy.
Traits of a Narcissistic person
- Lack of empathy towards others
- Pretending to be superior to others and looking down on others
- Monopolising conversations- not letting others talk and controlling who talks
- Expressing unhealthy and dangerous emotions- anger, manipulation, envy, depressed and impatient and acting this way towards others
- Has a fragile self-esteem and isn’t happy when they don’t get their own way.
- Can live in fairy land and concentrate on their dreams and fantasies
If you are suffering right now, you are not alone. You need to keep going and find your ways to escape. Protect yourself from the abuse and manipulation by engaging as little as possible with the narcissist, knowing yourself and being strong enough to take it personally. Try spending time with people who make you feel worthy and who respect you, find a positive support network and look for meaning and purpose in work, hobbies and other things in life. To end the relationship with a narcissistic is difficult especially if it is a family member like my own. Do your research into the Narcissistic personality disorder, think of all reasons to end the relationship and seek support, my advise would be to stay quite and not give any hint of ending the relationship until all is clear. After the relationship has ended cut off all ties with the narcissist and allow yourself time to grief as it is like that person has disappeared completely.
Please share your thoughts if you feel comfortable to, I would love to hear, and support by message if needed.
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